The First Blog I (Achie) wrote for him.
"This heart, it beats, beats for only you"
I've been thinking of blogging these things that has been bothering me this past few days. See, I had this crush, and let's just cover him as my cookies n' cream, and as i said- crush. Then eventually.. more than that.
I stay up late unitl 8pm just to wait for him and we go along our way home together., knowing that I finish my class at 2pm, 5pm, or sometimes at 12nn. Then, there was these 2 bagyos already, and together, sinugod namin yung baha that time, knowing na pwedeng-pwede akong sunduin nila mommy, it's just that, ayoko. kasi gusto ko siya kasama at wala rin siyang kasama pag nagpasundo ako. Last sunday, I brought him food (Dinuguan), not sure if he's coming or not. *good thing, he came.*
Those are small things that I never regret to do for him. I openly-hearted does those things just to see him and just to let him feel that someone is caring for him. All the while, I know, that he's really not into me. But I don't want to think about that, I just want to give my heart, for him, unconditionally.
2 days, before blogging this, I went to a difficult situation, wherein, he just saw and read my past blogs about the songs that I dedicated to him and we went on YM. we talked, but not as serious as like the couples out there. but somehow, we clear things up. Pero hindi parin ako naliwanagan that time. I was still confused and worried. 1st day came after the confession, nothing happened. As if nothing happened. the 2nd day, which was yesterday, we went on text. I even wrote our conversation on a piece of paper. Half-written there -- is he was asking "why him?" and all about infatuation.
I was hurt. That's my point. masakit. pero.. I have to do this, to know where will I stand. The night, I went back to the "natural me". Everything happened like the same ordinary days na parang walang aminan na nangyari. I was so normal that time, the boisterous laughters and the maligalig anna or whatever you call me, was me! Parang wala talagang nangyari.
I pretend to be happy, to be honest. Pero I lately realize, I can't push myself to a person who doesn't want me to be his leading lady. Kaya naisip ko, mas-ok na siguro na ganito, kaysa naman sa wala. Sabi nga ni ate ea, I'd rather have him halfway than nothing at all.. kaya why not try to be friends nalang with him, since yun naman talaga status namin ngayon. Basta importante sa akin, I'm willing to wait (sorry, hindi ako si maria clara, i'm just being honest)...
If it happens na mabasa mo toh -- don't get pitty on me. I just want to burst out the emo side into writing. Di ko na kasi alam kung anu gagawin ko, kaya dinaan ko sa blog. ok? I'm still the "anna" that you met before. I assure ngayon, na wala na talagang magbabago. Hindi na ako maiilang, hindi na ako iiiwas at lalong hindi na ako mag-iinarte kakatanong sayo. I think i know NOW that I'M IN THE RIGHT PLACE.
"At some point, you will realize that you have done too much already for someone,
that the only next possible step to do is to leave him alone."
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